I have been waking up during the night with a barrage of thoughts and fears. Mainly they revolve around not doing enough, not being enough, and fear of death or losing a loved one.
Maybe you have some of the same thoughts during the night. It is one of the few times we are truly still, quiet, and alone.
During the day, we surround ourselves with barriers-of responsibilities, hobbies, distractions, and amusements.
When I slow down enough, I can see the absurdity of these tricks. I sit outside and I read, I sink into the beauty of my own brokenness. I look around at the people at the park- all carrying their own stories.
None of us can escape hurt and pain and trial. So why do we try?
The leaves are in their glorious changing- they are about to fall off the limbs. But before they do, they strike.
With glorious color, they go out.
They are burning with fiery flames of reds and yellows before they fall to the ground.
And we all flock to see them, capture their beauty on camera, on our iPhones, we share them on social media hashtagged #aspens and #fall and #leaves – so that someone else can see the beauty that we see.
We “like” the fall leaves on Instagram and Facebook and we wish we could step into that person’s scene- crunch through the leaves right beside them.
Why do I fear pain and trials and losing my loved ones when I KNOW just like the seasons, it is the cycle of life? Babies are born, they grow up, and eventually, we all die.
I think I fear these things because life is more than science, more than the matter of fact, circle of life truths. Our lives are made of flesh and heart and soul and emotion. And God has designed us with the ability to love and the ability to feel.
I fear, probably because I know that loss hurts. I know from experience that loss and pain and trials hurt, and you likely do too. As humans, we like to avoid pain as much as possible. But we keep loving anyway.
What if my changing (and your changing) through suffering, our falling to the ground could be the most glorious beauty of all?
Maybe even more than my thriving?
Doesn’t the Bible say it? “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made PERFECT in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9)
I read something like it in a magazine the other day: “The JOY of Jesus makes even the hard parts of our stories full of HOPE and LOVELY in their own way — as he redeems them by His grace.” – Ann Swindell
God’s glory, aflame within my brokenness, my suffering, aflame within humanity’s suffering. Hallelujah.
“These have come so that your faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes though refined by fire may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:7
The weak leaves fall to the ground, and as they do, the man on the bike tries to catch a piece of the glory on video. Like a child, he chases after the leaves. He tries to save just a bit of the moment to take with him.
The cool breeze passes by. I capture a picture on my camera and think this can’t possibly do justice to the magic of this moment. The magic of fall and the falling.
